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The present (revised)

September 30, 2010

Monty is regarding me from the other end of the bar, his expression one of gentle empathy. He can no doubt sense the aura of sadness surrounding me, and is kindly laying off with the ‘cheeky’ landlord banter for today. Thank goodness. I hate having to make small talk and pretend to be alright when actually, I feel like a bag of crap. I think he can tell that I am not altogether ‘present’ at the moment. Today is,.. was,… should have been, our 5 year anniversary, and you should be here celebrating with me, but you are not.
We often came to this bar, meeting up and winding down at the end of the working day. You would always order a beer, I always had a G&T. We were almost always together. This all changed after the incident that I have now come to refer to as ‘Breadgate’ since it was christened that in a rare moment of humour during a conversation about it with my friend.
The Breadgate argument was different to our usual rows. We used to shout, rant, vent and purge ourselves of the things that were causing us distress. But then we would also, quite often, end up crying with laughter at some outrageous insult that one of us had thrown out of sheer frustration, when our side of the argument no longer held water.
These arguments would also, generally, end in the bedroom, where we would thrash out the last of the debate physically. The winner of these arguments would usually be the dominant force behind the sexual shenanigans. Sometimes I let that be you.
We haven’t done that in a while. Somehow the effort of having a proper ‘to do’ got too much. It was as if we both, at some unknown point, decided not to bother any more. I miss it, and recently, sex began to feel more like a chore than a pleasure.
When did it happen? When did ‘Clearing the air’ become, ‘Sighing, throwing a dirty look then buggering off to do the dishes’, without either of us noticing?
That, in essence, was the crux of our last ‘row’.
Only, it wasn’t a row. It was just a discussion. A very adult and ‘matter of fact’, mature conversation. The climax of which was you, walking into the study and quietly closing the door.
Before it all started, I heard you coming out of the lift arriving home from work at the usual time. My ire was suddenly piqued by the sameness of it all. ‘How very normal’, I thought, ’It’s all so very…. bland, and very, very fucking predictable!.
“We need to talk.” I growled, watching you set down your bag and keys as you closed the front door. I waved the elderly contents of the bread bin at you,
“I am so sick of being the only person who cleans out the mouldy shit from this kitchen!, I work too you know and a little help would be nice sometimes”
You looked at me with an expression that was hard to fathom. You shook your head, shrugged and simply said “Sorry.”
My hopes for a mighty protest and subsequent spleen vent from you were dashed with a dismissive gesture.
I slumped down on one of the kitchen chairs, the bread still in my hand. I looked down at it, the solid slabs, curling at the edges, loosely covered with forlorn looking plastic that had not been sealed up properly after the last, salvageable slice hiccupped its way out of the toaster.
“This is not the only thing going stale around here”, I snarled. You were silent.
You walked into the kitchen, snapped on the kettle and joined me at the table. I looked up at you and was taken by surprise at your expression.
“I know” You replied. Your face was a picture of resignation.
I felt as if you had slapped me. My mind reeled. What!?… Did you really just say that!?…
It had simply never occurred to me that you might feel the same.
After this revelation, I felt a sense of dread and defeat. I tried desperately to revive the argument, anything to ignite some passion between us. But the rest of the conversation consisted mainly of me bitching about our lacklustre existence and the shoddy state of our sex life. To my utter chagrin I found you, not protesting but agreeing. Later, whenever I would suggest some way we could maybe fix things, you found reasons why they wouldn’t work. The world shrank around me as quiet resignation took hold. You didn’t want me anymore. You didn’t even try to protest when I suggested we should have a break from one another!.
We decided, very sensibly, that I would go and stay with a friend while you found somewhere else, and that we would ‘see how things went’. And everyone knows what that really means.
That night I packed solemnly, numbed by the process, and went to stay with my friend Liza. I have cried, shouted, slept (a lot) and generally made a nuisance of myself. Liza, as always, the perfect hostess and steadfast shoulder to cry on, has listened, laughed, cried and patiently put up with me as I unravel and fall apart.
One thing has repeatedly occurred to me over this time, I don’t remember how to function without you.
Tonight, I am seeking solace in this bar. I decided to test the water and come out alone for a drink. I chose to come here because it is familiar and I thought I wouldn’t feel too out -of-place. The problem with this place though, is just that. It is familiar and ‘we’ are a regular feature here. Everyone keeps asking me where and how you are. I know the answer to both of those questions, but I don’t want to say out loud to anyone “We have separated”.
It just seems too final.
We have spoken on the phone almost every day since I left. I always try to sound aloof, but you know it is a facade. You tell me you miss me. Missing me is one thing, wanting to be with me is quite another. I do not say it back, even though my heart is breaking and I long to see you.
This was a big mistake. Choosing our anniversary to venture out into the world of ‘singledom’ again was foolish, and doing it on my own instead of with friends was nothing short of dumb. Sadness and loneliness mixed with alcoholic beverages does not make for good times!
I initially entertained the idea of polishing off this drink and heading back to Liza’s for another sobbing session. The alcohol has not done wonders for my countenance. Problem is, I don’t want to be alone and Liza has gone out with her man this evening, so the house is empty. One for the road I think.
I tilt my glass toward Monty with a wry smile and he obliges my request with a double.
“On the house Kim, just because I like ya!” He gives me a grin and a wink and plops in a couple of ice cubes. “Thanks Monty”. I rummage in my bag pretending to look for something and thus avoid any further conversation. Luckily another customer arrives, drawing him to the other end of the bar. I know many of the people who regularly come in here and deliberately don’t look over to see who it is. I fear that making eye contact with someone would draw me into conversations I don’t want to have.
Then, I hear your voice. “Double scotch please Monty, and another for the pretty lady over there!”. I feel my stomach drop. ‘Oh, my god! He has met someone else already and he has brought her here! To our bar!’ I look around at the tables behind me expecting someone else to be there.
Then, with a sense of relief and a little confusion I realise you mean me. Looking back towards the bar I catch sight of my sorry reflection in the mirror behind the bottles of squash and baskets of crisps. ‘Unkempt’ is a word that springs to mind.
My heart is racing and my mouth is suddenly dry, I gulp at my drink as Monty delivers me another, you make your way over to me, you are smiling, but still look slightly guarded. Your light stubble highlights the contours of your beautiful, sensual mouth. I watch your approach in the mirror, but do not look directly at you. I can’t bear to look you in the eye. A shock of adrenaline explodes in my chest as I think of looking into your deep brown soulful eyes and I know with certainty that if I do I will die of sadness.
“You look familiar”. You say, “Have I seen you in here before?” I am momentarily confused by this. If this is supposed to be funny I’m not getting the joke. I keep my eyes fixed on the mirror and, from somewhere inside me a small voice escapes.
“I used to come in here”, I say quietly, “With my husband, but It’s the first time I’ve
been in since the separation”. I hope to sound detached, but I’m feeling a bit irritated by your flippancy. I probably look as nervous as I feel but you seem oblivious and carry on with your little ‘play’ “Really? Well if you ask me, your ex must have been a total moron, and clearly mad if he was willing just to let you go.” You have an air of mischief about you. “You look like someone I used to know”
Monty looks at us both, wide-eyed and open-mouthed then quickly makes himself scarce with a wink. “Well, anyway, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Jake by the way!” You hold out your hand for me to shake. “And you are..?”
I am not really in the mood for games, and the alcohol is starting to go to my head, but I decide to play along, just to see where this is going.
” My name’s Kim, but everybody around here calls me, well.. Kim, really”. You laugh, a sound I haven’t heard for some time, it surprises me a little though I do detect a hint of nervousness. I feel a stab of regret.
“Well Kim, I have to tell you that you are, without doubt, the sexiest woman I have seen in a long while” You look me up and down with a brazen lust that I have never seen in you before. I am stunned. My pulse quickens.
“Why thank you, you’re looking pretty good yourself, and thanks for the drink!” I say, raising my glass, with a slightly puzzled smile. “So, who was she?….the girl I remind you of I mean”
“She was my reason for living, my north, my south blah blah blah….” You smile and leave this statement hanging in the air between us “She also had the most beautiful curves I have ever seen, almost perfect in fact, and the softest thighs…I loved to kiss her there, and to feel them brushing against mine when we were fucking” For some reason, I feel self conscious at hearing these things come from you. I have known you for all these years, but this confident, slightly arrogant man beside me is not the same….altered, in some metamorphosis I was not party to.
You take my chin in your hand and tilt my face up, forcing me to look you in the eyes. Your fingers stroke my neck. If I were standing my knees would no longer be supporting me. Oh those eyes, that look that pierces the heart of me, levels me, the soft Irish lilt and clever turn of phrase. The same things that first attracted me to you 6 years ago are now turning me inside out. When did I forget how much I love you? It is with sudden shock that I realise that for a long time now I have been taking you for granted, assuming that you would always be around and wanting to play my way.
You look around my face as though giving me an appraisal, searching my face with your eyes as though assessing them for some purpose. I feel a warmth spread between my hips and down my thighs, I find I am excited by your intense scrutiny. “Hmm,” You say, “Yes I think you’ll do nicely”
“For what, exactly?” I ask, narrowing my eyes.
“Well,… Kim”, The sound of my name slowly emerging from your lips excites me, you move in close behind me and slide your hands over my hips “Common decency dictates that I can’t describe exactly what I plan to do with you right now, but I can tell you this, ” You lean close to my ear, our eyes connect in the mirror in front of us and you whisper, ” I have some wicked plans for you, things will never be the same again” a delicious shiver coils it’s way from the back of my neck where I can feel your breath, down to my cunt.
I feel a rush of excitement. I raise an eyebrow, “Is that a promise?” I ask with a carnal smile.
“It is Kim, but, there are three things I need from you before we can proceed”.
“And they are?” I asked.
“First and most importantly, I need to know that you really want this, that you want me. There is no point me taking you out of here with me if you don’t think you can handle it”.
At this, I stand up, slide my arms around your waist and tiptoe to kiss you, our breath mingles briefly before our mouths crush together, our tongues finding each other, it is as if I am tasting you for the first time.
I am slightly breathless, steadying myself against you. My mind is reeling.
“Second, you must agree right now that you are going to do exactly as I tell you, with no complaints or objections” Your fingers lightly grip the hair at the back of my head, “This is not a democracy, you will obey or you will be punished!”. This sounds, and feels, deliciously ominous. Heart racing and mind unravelling, the best I can manage is a quiet, “ok”.
“And the third thing?” I enquire.
“Your place or mine?” you ask with a wicked grin, taking me by the hand and leading me out of the bar.
We scurry through the rain swept street to your car and head for Liza’s house, it seemed appropriate that we should embark upon this new experience in less familiar territory. As we drive through the night, I find I am very aware of your physical presence. Your feet and hands coordinate operating the gears and pedals, your thighs lift and fall, fingers push radio buttons and switch levers for the windscreen wipers, I am fascinated by the minutiae of your movements.
It is not until we stop outside the house that I notice, In the foot well of the car, a little gift wrapped box, I reach down to pick it up.
“Uh uh uh”, You say, slapping the back of my hand “You only get a present if you are a really good girl!”
“This is for me?”. I ask.
“Not yet it’s not”, You reply. “You have to impress me before you get a gift, think of it as more of a ‘target driven bonus'”.
You park on Liza’s driveway, we get out and you go to the trunk. You pull out a small gym bag and grab the mystery gift from the foot well too.
“I hope you’re not thinking of making me do any excercise!”, I laugh.
Your face is dark and solemn, “We have an agreement Kim, you will do as you are instructed!”.
We go inside and you demand we go straight to the bedroom. You close the door behind us and drop the bag onto the bed. You turn on my stereo and put on some music, you take me by the shoulders and stand me at the foot of the bed.
“Now…. strip for me!” You say, firmly.
“What?” I ask in disbelief, gulping as you settle yourself onto the bed.
“Oh come on Kim, don’t play it coy now!”, You spit the words at me, “You look like a woman of the world, you know how to strip! you must have seen it done before, now don’t make me tell you again!, dance for me and take off your clothes!”.
You lay back on the bed and unzip your fly, I watch, dumbstruck, as you start to stroke yourself. I begin to move, but I am awkward, I feel clumsy and oafish, my poor attempt at a strip tease a far cry from the sinuous, feline movements of the professionals. I fumble to remove my t-shirt and bra. It is mortifying!.
“No, no!” you shout, “this is terrible!, come on!, put some fucking effort into it!, show me what you’ve got for me!”
I try again, almost desperate to please you, then realise I am just not dressed for the occasion. There is simply no way to ‘sexily’ remove trainers and socks!, I briefly entertain the idea of leaving them on but then realise that I won’t be able to pull my jeans off over them .
“Stop!” You say, firmly, “Just stop!”, You shake your head and instruct me just to sit on the bed and take off the rest.
You kneel on the bed behind me and stroke my hair. “Well, I have to say, this has been very disappointing. I expected more from you. I am afraid… you will have to be punished for your poor performance”. Your voice is soft and calming.
I try to turn towards you but you won’t let me. You hold on to my shoulders and tell me to close my eyes, and then I feel you slowly and carefully tie on a soft leather blindfold. The smell of it is exciting and intoxicating, suddenly the world seems much smaller and all I can hear is your ragged breath. I feel vulnerable and excited and intrigued. You have barely even touched me but I am wanton.
I hear noises, the sound of the zip and things being removed from the bag, the anticipation is excruciating. “Now Kim, my love, I have to make sure that you fully understand who is in charge here, and I have to ensure that you will do as you are told and, quite frankly, you haven’t been very good at following instructions so far”.
As you speak you move me from the bed and guide me to kneel on the floor, you are binding my hands behind me with some soft rope, it feels delicious and wicked and my cunt is becoming swollen and slick, I want you. I arch my back, fully exposing myself. “Please touch me Jake…..I need to feel your hands on me”. You tighten the rope behind me pulling me backwards, your lips brush against mine and you laugh softly as a small sigh escapes me. “You still don’t get it do you. You are my new toy….I will play with you however I damn well please and you will just have to deal with it”
“I’m sorry!” I say “I promise I will try harder now, please….”. I feel no shame. After all, you are making me do it! I have no choice.
“Too late for apologies I’m afraid” You laugh, “It’s time you learned your lesson!”.
You move in front of me, tilting my face up toward you. I feel your cock brush against my flushed cheek. Your fingers curl into my hair and you hold my head back, you trace the outline of my lips with your tip, leaving a trail of moisture around my mouth. You are so hard, and your breath is laboured and shallow.
“You, my love, will now suck and lick me until I tell you that you can stop, and try to bear in mind that if you don’t please me, there will be consequences!”
You lift your cock away from me and I feel the soft skin beneath, against my lips. I use my tongue and slowly tease you, relishing the small groans it elicits from you. “More damn it!” You demand, breathless. You reach down and grasp my nipples between your thumbs and forefingers, you pull hard and twist slightly, and I gasp at the shock of the sensation.
I start to kiss and gently nibble you there, feeling myself grow bolder in my actions, I appear to have left any previous inhibitions I had behind at the bar!, I have never felt this needful before. I nuzzle into you, then take a few long, slow licks. When I reach the root of your cock, I gently tease you some more.
You moan and sigh as I strive to give you pleasure, occasionally it seems that your knees weaken and you almost fall. Your excitement reaches a crescendo and you press the tip of your cock against my lips. I want to take control of this, I want to take you in my hand and guide you into my mouth, but my hands are bound behind me and you are pushing down against my shoulder. I feel helpless.
“Suck me!” you demand. I open my mouth to you and taste the salt of your come, You groan as I gently take you in and circle my tongue around the head of your cock, you feel some
slight vibration as I also begin to moan with the satisfaction of giving pleasure. You utter barely recognisable words of encouragement and I feel your cock pulse against my tongue. I know you are getting close to coming. It isn’t long before you withdraw from my mouth, stand me up and turn me to face the bed.
“I knew you were going to be a cock hungry fuck slut as soon as I laid eyes on you!” you growl. I am shocked by the harshness in your voice.
“You need to be fucked, hard now, don’t you!?” You have never spoken to me this way before! I am aroused by the violent emotions and actions we are both displaying with our new-found freedom of sexuality.
“Yes, yes… please!” You push my head down so that it is resting on the bed, you hold on to my hips, and gently kick my feet apart to widen my legs. You slide two of your fingers into me and I feel you stroking me inside. I groan with the sensation and push back against your hand. You retract from me with every push and it frustrates and infuriates me. I strain against the rope and try to raise myself up off the bed, but you hold me easily. I cry out as your fingers find my G-spot. “Jesus Kim!, you are so fucking wet for me!…. look at you, you are just dying to be fucked, aren’t you!” I hear some amusement in your voice.
“Please!, Jake, please!, fuck me!, please!, don’t tease me anymore!”
“Beg” You say, and I do, as your fingers sink into me again deeper this time. Simultaneously, you begin to spank me, and my cheeks become hot and reddened as you repeatedly insist on hearing my beseeching cries. “I need you to fuck me Jake, please….I need you in me right now!” Now you can no longer fight your own need for me, relief floods us both and we cry out as you fuck yourself deep into me.
We abandon ourselves to the sheer euphoria of the fuck. We are wanton, feral and wild. You slam yourself into and against me, I gratefully receive each thrust, and grind myself back against you. But then, you take hold of my hips and stop me in my abandoned state. You push deep into me and hold me there, one hand reaches for my clit and you stroke and rub me, I am wild with pleasure and try to writhe free of your grip so that I can slide back and forth over you. Your grip is solid.
“Come!” you say, your voice harsh with lust.
“No!”, I plead, “I want to come with you”
“You will do as you are fucking well told!, now COME!” You shout. And slap my butt cheeks, hard. I feel my climax begin to rise in me immediately. My body, it seems, would obey your command even if my mind didn’t want to!
“Yes”, you say “Good!,.. Oh!.. Good girl!, Fuck! ..I can feel your cunt gripping me!” you exclaim gasping at the sensation. I feel the familiar fluttering begin inside me and I cry out, loudly
” I feel you wanting to come, you’re pulsing inside, I feel your cunt gripping me,…do it Kim,… let it go!,… do it now!, Come for me!”
I grip the sheets in my hand and pull hard on them as a gut wrenching orgasm sears it’s way through me, I shudder and tremble, obeying your orders. It is enough to send you over the edge too, you shout your relief and I feel the small jets of your warm come spurt deep into me.
You hold on to me for a while as our excitement ebbs. We both need time to catch our breath and get ourselves together. You withdraw from me and begin to carefully untie me, you kiss the pressure marks left by the ropes and help to massage life back into my numb hands. My body is aching from its abuse, as I try to get a handle on what has just occurred, I am grinning none the less, like a fucking Cheshire cat!
“So!” I say “Where have you been hiding all this time, huh? this is not the Jake I know!”
You look a little sheepish but you are grinning too. You check yourself then, and your face becomes serious again.
“You just make sure you keep up this standard of service, and then the Jake you know will stay firmly in the past!” Then you are grinning again.
“So…” I say, ” Do I get that gift now or what?”.
“I suppose so”, you reply “You’ve definitely earned it!”.
You pass me the box and I unwrap it, relishing the thought that you planned our reunion so well, and thrilled at the prospect of a new, more exciting life together. Inside the box is a note, it reads:
‘Happy Anniversary Kim. Here’s to the present.’
Beneath the note, nestled snugly in some satin is a shiny pair of handcuffs!
“Aww honey, that’s so sweet”, I chuckle “but I haven’t got you anything”.
“You’ve already given me my gift!” you say, kissing me deeply. I feel a stir,
“So, what do you want to do next?” I ask, dangling the cuffs with a cheeky grin….
~ fin

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